Personality and demands

Our dog behaves differently with me, wife, son and daughter. The creature is one, but there are four modifications. Why? Each of us unconsciously puts different demands on him. Over 25,000 years of cohabitation, the dog has learned to guess what the human wants from it. A dog cannot become, for example, a snake. The biological framework does not allow it. And man, thanks to his imagination, has more plasticity and adaptability and therefore can become almost anything. In many ways, it depends on the demands of the environment. Today it means society rather than wild nature. Man manifests himself by the facet expected by the specific culture in which he survives and grows.

In this sense, the influence on the personality of the family, first the mother and then the father, is fundamental. Initially, in the child’s perception, it is the mother who embodies the ambivalent Life, loving, comforting, frightening and punishing him. Even without realizing what they want from the children, the mother and father inevitably make demands, what they must be, or else… Having assimilated in childhood his (or her) relationship with the primary object, a person will carry it through all the life. He will struggle, pursue, avoid, and worry about something nebulous that irresistibly beckons to him and/or scares him to death. As psychotherapists say, he or she will relentlessly replay his or her symptom in different circumstances and with different people. At least until he realizes its power over him and “domesticates” it.

That is why, for example, in business one should be super-careful in choosing people, especially co-founders and top managers. For one thing, regardless of their stated intentions, they will act the way their symptom tells them to act. It is better to guess early on what truly drives them. On the other hand, by adapting, people will begin to hide or exhibit those traits that your company culture can’t stand or, on the contrary, passionately desires. This, by the way, is not a matter of abstract missions&values, but an honest description of your corner of reality as it is.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

You can help Ukraine defend itself and the World from Russia here.

As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

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Alexander Lyadov

Alexander Lyadov

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As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.